Where You Used To Be, There Is A Hole In The World.

I know I said I wasn't going to write in here anymore...but here I am.  It would have been wrong not to record my feelings this morning.  So the last couple weeks have been kind of rough.  I honestly don't know how to balance my time anymore.  I'm glad I don't have any 8am classes because I've been up past midnight almost every night.  My roommates are convinced that I'm sneaking around with a boy because I'm never home.  Ha.

-I think maybe my brain is messed up because it's Autumn, again, for the third time.

-Or maybe because I'm no longer getting 10.5 hours of sleep every night.

-Or maybe because I don't have Wednesdays and Fridays off anymore...

-Or maybe because this is my first semester balancing school and a job.

-Maybe because I miss doing my projects in WSD. (Stout's applied arts building feels like a prison).

I don't know if I miss New Zealand, or if I'm still figuring out how to patch up that empty space in time.   Because it feels like I was never there.  I think it's kind of like someone close to you passing away.  5 months are buried six feet under the ground and all that's left are pictures.

(Wow, Leah, could you be a LITTLE more depressing?)

This must be the reverse-culture-shock that everyone was talking about.  It just took a little longer to set in.  I'm usually the last one to understand the punchline of a joke too so....the boot fits.

I was reading some old entries in this blog and it made me really happy that I wrote about everything in here and put pictures in it, because it really helped.  I hope this blog never gets deleted!  Liz, Beth, and I (and maybe Chris), are in the midst of creating a care package for our kiwi friends, too.  I hope we can send it sometime next week. :)  I also wish my American friends could have met everyone in NZ.  Sometimes things happen and I think, "If Anant were here, he would have LOVED this." or "I wish Jackie and I could go see Amanda Palmer on her new tour together" or "I wish Aika was here to make me hot chocolate."  Most of them are working on their degree projects now (equivilant to Stout's Senior Show) and I want to be there to see what everyone is working on.  I MISS THEM.  And thinking all those things makes me sad.

Right now I really want to skip painting and just sit at home and watch Steel Magnolias and cry.

But I have to go because he's explaining the new project.
And my goal is to not miss any class this semester.

So usually when other people are sad or complaining, I do this cheesy little 5 second dance and sing, "ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE."  And they hate it because they're like, "Oh shut up Leah."  So now I'm going to do that to myself:

Trying to looking on the bright side (of life):
-I'm alive.
-I have a job.  I have a house to live in.
-And in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't that bad.
-Being sad will end, eventually.  It gets better.
-I am surrounded by good people.  My roommates are fricken awesome.  And there's five of them, so I'm never alone, which is nice.
-Plus with all of my friends it's like I was never gone, we just picked up where we left off.
-AND. I'm more outgoing now.  Which means I'm making new friends like every day.
-Liz and I "get" each other more than ever.  I'm glad New Zealand didn't kill our friendship.  Because I don't know what I'd do without her.
-Thursday is pay day (woooooooo).
-And I've lost more weight.  My pants (mostly) fit again.  It's incredible.:

Sept. 29

I will be accepting hugs from anyone and everyone all week.